You see this picture? This was taken yesterday when I was outside with my camera. On most weekends I try to take time and explore while taking pictures of whatever I feel like. This in one of my go-to methods for clearing my mind after the long week (Like the shitty one I mentioned in my previous post). Majority of the time this ends up resulting in pictures of my dog or the cattle, but this time was a little different. This time I decided to play around with my camera more than normal. For instance, I took a selfie the old way. You know… by turning the whole camera where the lens is facing you and then trying your best to not cut your head out of the shot? Yea, that’s what I did. Just call me old school!
Anyways, once I came inside and pulled up all of my shots from the afternoon on my laptop I noticed something. The first thing I did once seeing this picture of my self was critique. I subconsciously starting picturing how I could touch up my face in order to fix all my flaws. The really sad thing is that this is not a one-time thing, this happens on a daily basis.
I’m not a small girl, I have plenty of curves. Instead of embracing them I worry about what others will think of my size.
I’ve also battled with hair most of my life. With my darker brown natural color I tend to get dark hairs on my arms, legs, face and basically everywhere. It’s not easy to maintain. Instead of not caring about a natural feature of my body I worry that others think I’m some kind of hairy beast.
These are just two of the many issues that go through my mind. But that’s all about to change. I didn’t touch this photo up like I normally would. All I did was enhance the colors of the overall photo. As for my face, I left the blemishes. I left my messy un-plucked eyebrows the way they were. The only make-up I’m wearing is the little bit that was left from yesterday that didn’t get completely washed off. Instead of softening my hair so you couldn’t tell it was starting to get greasy I left it.
Why? Because I have got to stop being so hard on myself. I shouldn’t worry about what others see. I’m constantly thinking in the back of my mind that I need to look my best and change things about my appearance to impress people, especially men. I’m that woman who has never been in a relationship, so I constantly hear comments about how I need to find me a man already. When the time is right our lives will clash and we will take it from there, but until then I’m going to focus on me. I’ve got to learn how to completely love myself first. I’m over caring about what others think.
Some of you may feel similar to this. If so, let’s do this together then! We owe it to ourselves. We are kick ass beautiful human beings that come in a wonderful variety of shapes, sizes, and shades. Nobody can tell us differently! From now on instead of worrying about what I look through their eyes, my only worry is how I look through MY eyes. God made you and me the way we are for a reason, so why worry? He’s a pro at this.
I’m still a work in progress, but it’ll be worth it in the end.
Just remember your worth and beauty is greater than you realize. See ya later beautiful!