This Spring Break I have had a good amount of time to sit, relax, and reflect on how my life has been going lately. I know they say you aren’t supposed to focus on the past, but in this case, it was a good thing. This reflection period has made me realize something… I have been holding myself back and focusing on all the wrong things here lately.
Soo let’s just start off by looking back at my “love life” shall we? Just for shits and giggles.
For the past several months I have been constantly checking my online dating accounts. Why? Because I have become wrapped up in the grand dream that I need to find a partner to settle down with and quick. I have tried so hard to find the “one” and failed miserably time after time. Don’t get me wrong, online dating can be a great thing. However, I just don’t think it is for me. So I deleted all my accounts. My brain has been set on the assumption that I am running out of time to find me a man apparently. I am only 20 years old, who says I have to start settling down now? Well, I guess I have been telling myself that for years… but no more of that nonsense! I have now adopted the motto “If my man shows up now, great! If he waits and shows up later, great!” Until I do meet him, I am going to focus on me. I am going to enjoy my life while I am young. I am going to learn to love myself. All of this also relates to my next point, so I’ll just jump right to that.
For YEARS, like probably my entire life, I am constantly thinking about what others may think of me. “He must not like me because I’m fat.” “They must not want to be my friend because I am lame.” “Oh man. What if they point out my lipstick? I shouldn’t have worn this color.” And the list goes on for miles. This is an issue I have slowly started to fix. Last month I had the amazing opportunity to see Miranda Lambert live (BEST.CONCERT. EVER. Well worth the 4 year wait!) Anyways, for a solid week I would destroy my closet trying to find the perfect outfit. Of course I had music going during my mini fashion shows, so when Any Man of Mine by Shaina Twain came on you can say I became inspired. By the end of the song I stood in front of full length mirror in my fancy boots, yellow flowy skirt, a white tank top with a denim button up on top and tied at the waist, and the perfect purple necklace. I think it was mainly the denim shirt that caused it, but I felt like the 90’s version of Shania and I was loving it! I loved it so much that I didn’t even ask for my friends’ opinion on it, which I always do. Instead, I went with the outfit that made me happy and beautiful. I receive many compliments on my outfit that night and also learned a valuable lesson. You see, in order to be truly happy I have to be happy with myself first. This meaning I need to do things that make me happy about myself, not others. Wear the lipstick you like, whether they like it or not. Wear the outfit you feel best in. Wear the smile you’ve been graced with to show others happiness is real.
Since wearing that wonderful outfit, I have started doing more what I want despite others opinions. For instance, like getting a tattoo last week. My father damn sure isn’t happy, but I am! (Don’t worry, he is slowly but surely getting used to it.) I am determined to continue working on myself. In order to be ready for when my man decides to show up, I have realized that I have to love myself first so I can love him even better.
So my friends, here is what I want to leave you with. You do you, babe. Don’t be afraid to showcase your inner 90’s country superstar just because others may be stuck in the future. Get the tattoo. Most importantly, don’t forget to be happy.